High-Maintenance [of a person] requiring much care and coddling. : He's sort of a high-maintenance guy. He requires lots of reassurance. Who is high maintenance? My husband? My boyfriend....neither my ten month old son, Noah.I
have told my family and friends how different my son is. He doesn't like when he sleeps in his own bed. He hates riding in his car seat. He doesn't like when I leave from the same room with him. He screams if he isn't in my line of sight. He throws a fit if I won't hold him every moment of the day. He needs my attention and affirmation constantly. He nurses every hour really wildly to the point of pain he kicks, rolls, flips the whole time then scurries away when he is done. He is extremely busy. He is really emotional, extremely happy or extremely sad no two days are the same. He gets inconsolable if he is unhappy. He throws fits. He does things that most other kids his age don't do...for the longest I was sure something was "wrong" with him...now I know that to be true...My son Noah is a high needs baby.
"High Needs" really just confirms to parents that we aren't completely idiotic when it comes to raising our children. I randomly got a parenting magazine in the mail today, took the time to flip through it and discovered that I was not alone in this world when it comes to the high needs child. I thought Noah was just different. Everyone I know is always like "My baby sleeps 
through the night, my baby loves the car seat, my baby falls right asleep when I "put them down", my baby drinks from a cup/bottle, my baby is easy like Sunday morning"...I have the unique privilege to say "Well, my baby does none of those things." My son is very vocal. He hates his car seat. He hates when strangers hold him. He hates sleeping in his own bed. He hates the "pack and play". He refuses to drink from a cup. He refuses to take a bottle. He HATES to sleep in his own bed. He ALWAYS has been this way since the day he was born.
I find it hilarious when people sincerely offer me suggestions for my son...as if I haven't tried everything. Why would any mom in her right mind want to shower with their three month old glaring at them? I had to...my son would scream his head off if I left him in his room alone. I tried leaving him in his pack and play once, I walked into the room to find my five month old dangling from his pack and play attempting to climb out--he would have succeeded broken neck and all...I never did it again. I have tried to let my family "baby sit" and gave them breast milk in a bottle...he screamed so loudly and for so long my mother (who has eight children of her own) looked as if she had seen a ghost...I walked in the door picked him up instantly he stopped crying. She just said "He just loves his mom". Noah is high needs. No way around it. I know its my cross to bear. My husband who has been home from Afghanistan for two months is now getting tastes of what I go through. He witnesses the full body fits, where he throws his little head back goes limp and screams at the top of his voice because we won't allow him to pull the keys off the laptop. Or when you attempt to go to the bathroom he throws his body against the door screaming reaching his little fingers under the door until you let him in. Or when he cries because he was watching Baby Einstein and we change the channel...or God forbid the DVD skips.
Noah is ten months old. I have been told I was spoiling him, allowing him to run this house, creating negative behaviors. When in actuality the more I tried to separate him from me the worse his crying would get and the needier he becomes on me. After reading the article on High Needs Children I was informed that heeding his needs is what actually creates the trust he needs in me, for him to let me go. Did you get that...he needs to let me go...interesting theory isn't it? All this time I have been trying all that I could to separate from him...when its just like riding a bike he will never want to pedal if I don't build his trust in me first.
All parents approach their children differently. I have been giving a very unique child. He cannot self soothe. I have to cuddle him, sing him songs, breast feed him, the list goes on, but if it is not me doing something for him...he cannot do it alone. When he goes to sleep I have to be holding him or patting his back, but he cannot sleep without my assistance. My son Noah is ten months old. I know that he will not need me when he is ten or twenty, so for now this is okay. I know eventually I will be able to clean the house without having to hold a baby at the same time. Or cook dinner without having to carry him in his sling. We have just gotten to the point where he will ride in his stroller without crying, because the sights and sounds interest him. Before he needed to be touching me to feel "safe" outside our house. I envied all the other moms I would see in public pushing their strollers because they were so lucky to be able to just put their little one down. I have never had that luxury. I have yet to sleep more than 5 hours straight, because Noah needs to breastfeed to touch me he just needs assurance that mommy is there.
We recently moved Noah's bed in our room, next to our bed in which he sometimes sleeps. When he wakes up he climbs into our bed and nurses or just lays by me to snuggle. Sometimes he climbs in the bed every hour and I have to hold him till he falls asleep but he wont sleep unless he feels me beside him. Its frustrating because I am always tired because I wake constantly. Anytime I randomly awaken in the night he will wake up less then ten seconds after me. So from the toilet I hear his cry which rings so loudly I feel badly for my neighbors.
Noah's attachment to mom doesn't bother Kevin. I think at first he thought I had created the dependency until he witnessed that I wanted my own free time but wasn't allowed that with Noah's dependency on me. My husband says we have a special bond and a unique connection. I don't know what it is. But I know what my son needs. Its me. I'm the cure to this condition. It could be worse. He could have an actual disability. He just is more demanding than other babies. I am lucky that my first child needs me so much because its making me cautiously think about another child. I know that if we have another baby that I can expect this or less dependency next time around. Noah's needs have filled our hearts so we are waiting on another baby until he is old enough to understand it cannot always be Noah time...but I would love another little one. It is just really hard to think of what life would be like with two high needs babies. From what I am told high needs babies develop into very independent creative thinkers they just rely heavily on their parents while they are young. I can handle that.
Its amazing what mothers sacrifice for their little ones. Showers, sleep, sex, sanity...just to insure our children are okay. I will do whatever I must to insure this little one is okay.
My high maintenance baby wont always be that. One day he will be in Kindergarten and I will miss all the mommy time we shared. One day he will drive a car. He will go to prom. He will go to college. He will find a wife. And if he is lucky he will have a high needs baby of his own.
