Noah Held Mommy's Hand

Noah. My son. Super Guy. Super Dud. Stinky Guy. Pajama Party Time Jumpin' Around. Little Friend. My Bestin' Friend. Noah. He has many names all of which he answers to. Some of which make him smile that gap toothed smile I love to see. All are different. All are names he knows and responds to.

Autistic. ADD. ADHD. Downs Syndrome.
Noah?
Mr. Sensory Integrative Dysfunction.
Where does Noah fit within this spectrum. Is he disabled? Uniquely-abled? Special needs? Ability Compromised? Lets go with High Needs. Where does Noah fit in this equation with other high needs children. Well, he doesn't. Well, sort of. Okay, maybe not now, but in ten years he will be under this umbrella too. Ten years waiting on someONE to do an empirical study on children and sensory processing. GREAT. I won't hold my breath. Its so new its weird to many. I even thought so at first, but when I pushed aside my comfort zone and embraced truth for what it is and not my preconceptions of what every toddler should be doing developmentally. THAT is when I was able to accept. Noah just isn't where he needs to be.

Hmm...He is not disabled. So what the heck is he? LABEL TIME! OH NO!!! Let's assess this situation. He is different. He does not like crowded rooms full of people in new places where he isn't allowed to move away. He does not like trying new foods or touching anything (besides mud) that is sticky or wet. He does not eat anything that is wet. He has always hated riding in his carseat. He STILL breastfeeds. He cannot sleep through the night. He screams when my husband or myself leave a room. He wasn't able to use words. He could not sit in his highchair for more than a few minutes. He doesn't like change. He doesn't like strangers, being touched or touching things. He doesn't hold hands, hasn't held mine. He does not like hugs giving or receiving. He doesn't like people in his face. He doesn't like when people are unreasonably loud because he wants to be the loudest thing in the room.

Noah loves to move, stack, to climb, to jump, explore, to dance, to play, to laugh, to sing, to look at books, to GO, to just be outside. He could stay outside digging in dirt, smelling flowers-folliage eating rocks-chunks of dirt-crunchy leaves all day and night. Just about anything his baby hands can reach outside he will touch regardless of texture or apprehension. Noah is almost your typical boy. He is wild he loves to run and play with cars, and get dirty outside. He collects things, mostly rocks, he loves rocks, probably as much as he loves Kevin and I.

Noah is unique. He isn't the kind of baby that demands attention in all he does but you will find yourself observing every new thing he learns and does. At 3 months Noah said Mama and Dadda...at eight months Noah could walk. At nine months Noah got bronchitis and ear infections and suddenly lost all his words. I was afraid. I was embarrassed. My brilliant boy that could do so much...was mute for lack of better words. I hid my shame from my friends and family and passed him off as being shy, knowing all the while that things just were not right.

Turns out that my baby has a delay. *GASP* Yes, he has a delay, but guess what we are taking things one step at a time through innovative therapeutic treatments. In a few years we will have forgotten about all the therapy Noah gets to catch him up with everyone else. In a few years I won't remember Ms. Stephanie or any of his other therapists that have changed our lives. Thanks to his Speech Therapist, Feeding Therapist and Occupational Therapist, Noah also known for a while as No-Words, NOW has WORDS. My son has words! He has a voice, an opinion, an is swift to express his feelings by communicating with me.

NO! he says, and my heart melts. Yeah! He says. Tuh-tul he says pushing his turtle in the tub. GO! GO! GO! He says when he runs. His silly little feet going as fast as his tiny legs will carry him. He uses sign language, he picked it up so fast we know more-stop-help-all done-baby-mommy-daddy-cereal-bubble-go-stop-please and MANY more. I am so blessed to see a change. I was ashamed of him not being able to speak. I felt it was my fault and failure as a mother. I couldn't let go of the fact that I had done something wrong. That somehow I messed up. It was my fault he was different. So many times as a mother we allow our guilt and pride stand in the way of the developmental achievements of our little ones. Was it important that Noah beat the other kids speaking, for me, at first, yes. Now, I just want to know my baby can understand and express his feelings to me. That's what is important. Not the game us mothers play, "Oh well, MY baby can jump over the moon" is that really important, if your baby is mute?

Noah is special and I am so proud. In just a month he has changed so much. Today we went outside on an evening walk and for the first time he reached out and held mommy's hand. One whole year of his life I have never had that pleasure and it literally took my breath away. Just recently he has begun giving me kisses, and announces, MWAH! I hold in the tears. He calls my name "MOMMY" asks for HELP and signs THANK YOU...and that means so much. We will slowly work on creative fixes for not touching or being touched. We will improve on not eating, and avoiding sticky things. But my baby is finally back on track. Today he shared with me without retracting his hand before it touched mine. He was able to play a rock in my hand that he had found smile and carry on with his play. To some they are still stuck on the delay *GASP*...but what I am stuck on is that my baby for the first time, reached out and held his Mommy's hand.